The Brero judges all – Dropjes

In his last post The Brero judged Bitterballs. They scored nothing less than a 7.5 on a scale of 10 (even a flawless 10 if consumed after heavy drinking). Now our foreign friend returns with a fieldstudy on Holland’s most beloved candy: drop. Will he be as enthusiastic?

And it was all going so well. Bitterballs, how The Brero loved thee (cue jokes), but now Holland you give The Brero this, this most vile of all things: the dropje. How could you? Whereas bitterballs were The Brero’s yin, dropjes are most certainly The Brero’s yang. The counterweight. The balance. If bitterballs were Herman Brood, dropjes are Marco Borsato. The Brero is not amused.

Almost every Dutch woman loves dropjes. Fact. Almost every single one will have a hidden stash somewhere in their place. There will come a time, if you have Dutch friends, that they will offer you a dropje. Take The Brero’s advice, don’t do it! Not only did The Brero upon trying them almost instantaneously vomit, in the nights that followed he woke up in cold sweats screaming “Nooooo, nooooo, make it stop, The Brero will tell you everything!” The Brero talked to many expats about the subject. Most have had experiences that were nothing like The Brero’s, save one thing – they all hate dropjes. All foreigners here hate dropjes. If they tell you they don’t, they are lying, nervous that their Dutch partner is waiting in the shadows ready to pounce on any criticism of this champion of their confectionary industry.

Despite this, some Dutch people aren’t aware that no-one else likes their dropjes. Crazy ‘El Loose Cannon’ Sanchez down the road was telling The Brero the other day about a girlfriend of his which smoked. Crazy Sanchez isn’t a smoker and doesn’t like kissing an ashtray. So what did his girlfriend do after smoking to hide the taste? Use chewing gum? No. Brush her teeth? No. Ate garlic even? No. She only went and ate an f-ing dropje! Crazy Sanchez told The Brero there’s one worse thing than kissing an ashtray and that’s kissing an ashtray mixed with a taste that could have only been created in the fires of hell – the dropje. Boy went into rehab a few weeks ago. Still isn’t out…Crazy fool.

Drop

For your info, The Brero guesses there are 2 main types of dropjes: zout (salty) and zoet (sweet). To be fair the sweet ones are not the ones The Brero been ranting about in this post, some of them aren’t bad at all. You should go try them. They’re like liquorice. But the zout ones are another story. They are wrong. Just nasty. The Brero guesses if you love drinking sea water for fun you could acquire a taste for zout dropjes. But assuming that’s not the case – for your own sake, stay clear of them.

Yet there is one thing that even surpasses the zout dropje in terms of nastiness and that is evil in its purest form. In Dutch it is known as zwart-wit poeder (black-white powder). It looks like a sherbet powder, but there is one key difference. Unlike sherbet, which can be tasty at times, zwart-wit poeder is ALWAYS foul. Nasty. Vile. Monkey poo. It’s made from a lot of the same stuff as dropjes but somehow they’ve made it even worse. Describing the taste might leave The Brero requiring therapy, but if you do feel like you want to try it, The Brero suggests using local anaesthetic in your mouth beforehand (consult a medical professional before). In Star Wars it is The Emperor, in Lord of The Rings it is Sauron, in Spice World it is The Spice Girls. Avoid.

Verdict Zoet Dropje: 5.5/10
Verdict Zout Dropje: 0/10
Verdict Zwart-Wit Poeder: Avoid on pain of death/10

Netherlands! Bitterballen were good, dropjes were most certainly not. Let’s hope for something better next time. Maybe then the nightmares will fade. The Brero doesn’t think he could take another big disappointment so soon. He still shivers at the thought of this abomination. Brero Out!

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