New Year’s cultural difference

Our beloved blogger The Brero recovered only days ago from his New Year’s eve experience in Holland. One would think excessive drinking was involved, but his latest post reveals this was not the case. Read his shocking eyewitness report, exclusive on Flokken.

People were scared to go out. Children were kept away from the windows. They could feel the ground shaking with each explosion. Some hid under their tables, afraid and in the dark. Outside they could hear footsteps followed by more loud explosions. With each minute the sounds got closer. The people prayed their hunters would pass by at least just one last time…

Was this written around 70 years ago about the last time Ze Djermanz visited Holland – ok The Netherlands then >;:( ? No, it was a couple of weeks ago by The Brero when The Brero was in ‘up and coming’ Bos en Lommer. The Brero is angry. The Brero is angry because of two things. The first, The Brero ran out of shower gel the other day and had to use The Brero’s girlfriend’s shower gel. The result was walking around all day smelling of mangos and peaches. The second is because of Dutch New Year’s Eve. Well it’s not really the night itself, it’s the 4 weeks running up to the end of the year.

You see, in most countries of the world, fireworks are marvellous things. They get shot high into the air, make a loud noise and explode resulting in people seeing lots of bright colours in the sky. Families all around gather to wonder in the amazing spectacle of family fireworks or of a bigger display. In Holland (NL) it is different. Fireworks have one purpose and one purpose only. This is to p*ss off the most possible amount of people when they least expect it. Hence, 95% of fireworks in Holland (NL) aren’t the pretty ones which go into the sky. Instead they are the ones which resemble those seen in newscasts from Afghanistan a few years ago. They make a loud bang, shake up a load of cars so their alarms go off and perhaps some people die (collateral damage), whoopsie.

All throughout December around ‘up and coming’ Bos en Lommer groups of boys/boyish men/mietjes like to terrorise the local inhabitants by throwing large illegal Belgian/Chinese fireworks in the direction of people and cars, pretending that they’re about to either kill the person or blow up their vehicle. They especially like to do this around 3am in the morning. The explosions and sound of car alarms ringing into the night turn into a sort of a ‘night up and coming Bos en Lommer orchestra’ to be enjoyed by the whole neighbourhood while they have heart attacks in the early hours.

The Brero - Fireworks

But the Brero likes to think in solutions not in problems. What’s the solution to all this. Ban fireworks? Rubbish. Instead a good bit of stoning-like action with an important variation should be introduced for the offenders. When they p*ss people off at 3am in any ‘up and coming’ neighbourhoods they should be dragged by horse and cart to the nearest public square where the local community can throw fireworks at them for an hour. You could make parties out of it. “Come on kids lets all go to the stoning by fireworks event, we’ll also get some ice cream.” The grand finale would then be a sparkler sticking out of their rear orifice being lit to the cheers of the crowd.

The Brero has already approached the PVV (Partij Van de Verdoemden) and they were very enthusiastic about the idea but couldn’t act on it immediately. The reason being, as only two of their members are literate, the proposal would take too long to write up. Jammer de bammer dan. Brero out!

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